As I entered the Redwoods Restaurant - a brand new building, all glass, chrome and eco-wood effects - I passed a staff member reading comment cards. Peering over his shoulder I read “RESTAURANT DISAPPOINTING!!” in big capital letters. I turned to watch a pair of very brown scones being walked to a garden table and braced myself for disaster.

All the scones were in the fridge with the cream and jam (first rule of bakery products - DON’T store in fridge) and all looking dark brown - but a nice size and fruited. Two kinds of jam on offer in unlabelled dishes, but my experienced eyes detected strawberry and raspberry - both red. Good. Cream, whipped and piped in a decorative manner, which charmed my stony heart. Both portions were generous, allowing me to really load my scone up. But as I feared the scone was verging on the rock bun, and the outer raisins a bit burnt tasting. The inside was good though, you could tell it would have been a jolly good scone if they’d just turned the gas down a bit.

Tea, served in quite pretty metal pot, with real milk in a teeny little job. Yield - 3 cups - lovely.

All in all an excellent cream tea, let down by the over-cooked scone. Was it a one-off, or do they always set their oven too high? Do I have to go back to try again? I just don’t know.

£3.60 –>

Not strictly a picture of the tea - but look - 95p a portion!

Now, don’t be fooled by the above picture. The jam in it is not officially part of the cream tea. I was sneakily given it free by one of the girls in the tea-room when I started taking photos of their hideously over-priced jam in the fridge.

Tea - all as it should be, pot - check, real milk - check. Scone - fruit (hurrah!) nice size, nice fresh texture, butter came free with the scone - all should have been well.

HOWEVER - cream and jam were in the fridge in individual plastic pots and priced at an additional 95p a portion. Now I might have just about coped with this for the cream (although the cream was clearly crusty from having been in the fridge all day) but 95p for a spoonful of jam????? NO WAY! I realise this may be shirking my duties as a cream tea reviewer, but I simply cannot bring myself to pay 95p for a dab of jam. I am not going to be taken advantage of - oh no, I have my tea-based pride.

I checked the gift shop in the stable courtyard. You can purchase a full jar of NT branded jam for £2.50. Let’s take a stand people - refuse to buy the jam in the teashop. It’s a crime.

£3.40 - will buy you just the tea and scone and butter - no jam. Pah. –>

This was really quite splendid. The (plain) scone was freshly-baked and still warm, served with both butter and clotted cream, nicely accessorised with a decorative strawberry. The jam was Tiptree. A choice of flavours - I, of course, chose strawberry.

Tea was very tasty - served in a pot with a jug of real milk.

£3.95

A word of warning, however, don’t be tempted to take the guided tour of the house unless you really want to spend 2 hours of your life hearing the family tree of some mediocre nobs over and over and over and over again. Quite possibly the dullest, longest most hellish guided tour I have ever experienced. I couldn’t even bear to stay for the whole thing. After over an hour we were barely half way, so I did a runner without seeing the rest of the house. It was that or miss the chance for a cream tea - over my dead body! –>

The queen does not do a good cream tea.

Only plain scones available - no fruit and pretty dry. The jam was Robinsons and tasted a bit off (why not Duchy originals?). No cream on offer - just butter - pay per pat.

The tea was not in a pot. I opted for the large tea - which was in a mug as you see, but not a particularly large mug. Small tea in a cup also available. Real milk in jug at cash till, so that’s one plus point.

£3.85 –>