As I entered the Redwoods Restaurant - a brand new building, all glass, chrome and eco-wood effects - I passed a staff member reading comment cards. Peering over his shoulder I read “RESTAURANT DISAPPOINTING!!” in big capital letters. I turned to watch a pair of very brown scones being walked to a garden table and braced myself for disaster.

All the scones were in the fridge with the cream and jam (first rule of bakery products - DON’T store in fridge) and all looking dark brown - but a nice size and fruited. Two kinds of jam on offer in unlabelled dishes, but my experienced eyes detected strawberry and raspberry - both red. Good. Cream, whipped and piped in a decorative manner, which charmed my stony heart. Both portions were generous, allowing me to really load my scone up. But as I feared the scone was verging on the rock bun, and the outer raisins a bit burnt tasting. The inside was good though, you could tell it would have been a jolly good scone if they’d just turned the gas down a bit.

Tea, served in quite pretty metal pot, with real milk in a teeny little job. Yield - 3 cups - lovely.

All in all an excellent cream tea, let down by the over-cooked scone. Was it a one-off, or do they always set their oven too high? Do I have to go back to try again? I just don’t know.

£3.60

Not strictly a picture of the tea - but look - 95p a portion!

Now, don’t be fooled by the above picture. The jam in it is not officially part of the cream tea. I was sneakily given it free by one of the girls in the tea-room when I started taking photos of their hideously over-priced jam in the fridge.

Tea - all as it should be, pot - check, real milk - check. Scone - fruit (hurrah!) nice size, nice fresh texture, butter came free with the scone - all should have been well.

HOWEVER - cream and jam were in the fridge in individual plastic pots and priced at an additional 95p a portion. Now I might have just about coped with this for the cream (although the cream was clearly crusty from having been in the fridge all day) but 95p for a spoonful of jam????? NO WAY! I realise this may be shirking my duties as a cream tea reviewer, but I simply cannot bring myself to pay 95p for a dab of jam. I am not going to be taken advantage of - oh no, I have my tea-based pride.

I checked the gift shop in the stable courtyard. You can purchase a full jar of NT branded jam for £2.50. Let’s take a stand people - refuse to buy the jam in the teashop. It’s a crime.

£3.40 - will buy you just the tea and scone and butter - no jam. Pah.

Now, I’m not one to hold a grudge … oh no, tell a lie, actually I’m quick to offend and slow to forgive, so beware.

I was already in a mild temper on entering the tearoom at Canons Ashby on account of the rubbishness of the house and the information and the signposts etc etc. Then the service was really slow despite the queue not being long. I would probably have given up and sodded off elsewhere, but I had a duty to perform, I couldn’t write a tea review if I didn’t eat the tea could I? So on I ploughed. I tried to be generous, kind-hearted and fair to Canons Ashby tearooms, but they didn’t make it easy for me.

I picked up a cream/jam portion from the fridge. On the same dish, the jam was unidentified. Inspection revealed it to be reddish in tone and in the later taste test if proved to be raspberry, so it did the job, but would it kill you to alert me to what I’m buying before I stump up the cash?

The cream was regular whipped and just about the right amount, the jam portion was a little on the stingy side.

As I picked up the scone, doubts were forming in my head. What is this brownish tinge I wondered? On getting it to my table my worst fears were realised. In an unprecedented and quite unwelcome move, the scones Canons Ashby were serving up were plain - and get this - WHOLEMEAL!!!

Let’s go off on a wholemeal tangent shall we? Wholemeal. I’m not saying the wholemeal scone should not exist at all. It can kind of work if it’s a savoury cheesy scone. And I suppose there is a sector of the population that may enjoy this kind of sacrilege in the vegetarian health-food stores of inner-cities. I may even be prepared to concede that the wholemeal scone is a valid option if one is given a range of scones to choose from. But as the default scone this is wrong wrong wrong. If you think I need some extra fibre, why not try just sticking the goddamned raisins in? If I’m on some kind of health-food kick I’m not going to be pigging the cream tea in the first place am I?

This wholemeal scone didn’t even taste like scone. It gave off an odd powdery sensation and tasted more like bread roll than scone. Bleaurgh.

However, in the spirit of fairness, I have to concede that the tea was served in an attractive pot, nice and big, yielding 3 full cups. Milk was fresh and in a big jug. The tearoom also had a very pretty garden area and was a very pleasant place to sit and enjoy your tea. So not all bad, but they’d have to pay me to gnaw through one of their so-called scones again.

£3.25

This was really quite splendid. The (plain) scone was freshly-baked and still warm, served with both butter and clotted cream, nicely accessorised with a decorative strawberry. The jam was Tiptree. A choice of flavours - I, of course, chose strawberry.

Tea was very tasty - served in a pot with a jug of real milk.

£3.95

A word of warning, however, don’t be tempted to take the guided tour of the house unless you really want to spend 2 hours of your life hearing the family tree of some mediocre nobs over and over and over and over again. Quite possibly the dullest, longest most hellish guided tour I have ever experienced. I couldn’t even bear to stay for the whole thing. After over an hour we were barely half way, so I did a runner without seeing the rest of the house. It was that or miss the chance for a cream tea - over my dead body!

The queen does not do a good cream tea.

Only plain scones available - no fruit and pretty dry. The jam was Robinsons and tasted a bit off (why not Duchy originals?). No cream on offer - just butter - pay per pat.

The tea was not in a pot. I opted for the large tea - which was in a mug as you see, but not a particularly large mug. Small tea in a cup also available. Real milk in jug at cash till, so that’s one plus point.

£3.85